Sunday, May 16, 2010


"In India, I found a race of mortals living upon the Earth, but not adhering to it, inhabiting cities, but not being fixed to them, possessing everything, but possessed by nothing"

Apollonius Tyanaeus quotes

I am getting ready for a trip to India with my sister in law. It was a fun idea a few weeks ago, now the visas are coming and we are well on our way. We are going with Rising Star Outreach, a group that supplies mobile medical clinics, micro business loans, and childhood education. They work allot with leprosy colonies near Chennai, India. I have been on a few humanitarian trips in my time, but this one will be completely different. The difference is not in the location, or what I will be doing, although it will all be new to me, the difference is my perspective about humanitarian work. I learned from my previous "humanitarian" trips, that the things I was doing, for the most part, the people I was helping could have done one hundred times better and faster, they just needed the supplies. The only thing I felt like I really contributed were some paintings I did in churches, day care centers, and on the sides of buildings. Realizing this, I have committed to dedicate my talents and time to this cause. I am still learning more about India and Rising Star Outreach and trying to prepare myself to be at my best when the temperatures soar into 110+ Fahrenheit. I will be leaving my husband behind. This may not be the best way to start out our second year of marriage but I figure that this can only make us stronger. I'm also leaving behind my summer break from teaching, my garden (which should be planted this week), a very worried mom, dad, grandparents, brothers, nieces and a nephew, phone calls, and to do lists. I added the phone calls and to do lists to make myself feel better about this. I am excited to go, dont get me wrong, but I know this will be no easy task. I have to prepare myself for it all. Good things may include smiles on peoples faces that were not there before, helping someone live a more comfortable life, blessings from elephants, stuff like that. I need to do more research before writing more.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Been thinking about you

I wound up on facebook yesterday, looking at peoples pictures I havent seen or talked to in years and yet , thanks to facebook, I can see what they did yesterday. It is a strange thing, I dont like it at all. I was thrown into the past, thinking about each of these old friends and all of the memories we share, wondering how we ended up just virtual friends, if that. One of them stood out the most. The night in November we stood out in the snow crying after his dad died of a heart attack. Shivering, hugging and crying. Then I started thinking about another friend I met at my first job, Purple Turtle, talking about music, Jim Morrison, and eating corn dogs. I remembered the day, years later, when she found out some shocking news about a friend and I was told not to explain any of it to her. Then the day she showed up at my apartment after my brother died. For some strange reason mostly the sad memories found their way to the top of my thoughts today. It must be this winter weather that is showing up at the end of spring. Mainly I just was feeling like I needed to let some of those thoughts out. Here are some more, so I can make some room in my head for new things.

closing my eyes and holding onto my moms pajamas when she turned out all the lights
running away and only bringing a bag of walnuts and a walnut cracker
seeing santa clause fly across the moon
really thinking that fairies walked around my room when I was asleep
walking up and seeing my little brother awake in his crib, starring out at me with huge blue eyes
holding puppies, carrying puppies, loving puppies
when my cat Zack Morris was taken away because I was allergic to him
cleaning off the crayon wallpaper I had just finished drawing on my playhouse walls
falling in the water at lake Powell at night and seeing fish by the boat motor
nightmares about evil mice, sleeping with my parents
thinking that every time you prayed, if you closed your eyes you were teleported to heaven, right in front of God
the movie the BFG
throwing my glow worm at my glass mirror in my room
dancing to Mannheim steamroller
running out of the doctors office when I was supposed to get some immunizations as my brother told me to run and blocked the doors
watching my little brother play on the kitchen floor with a frog
driving my power wheel jeep around my neighborhood with a pumpkin, pretending it was alive
wanting to make a cartoon that was really alive
riding my bike from a new house to my old neighborhood without telling anyone
finding a place I called the secret garden
coming home from school and running to hug my little brother
seeing a coyote roaming around the cabin
sleeping outside with my cousin, worrying about bears, wolves and mountain lions
catching fish at Lake powell with my dad
my mom paying me to brush her hair or rub her feet
watching the little mermaid with my mom
getting a happy meal, crayons and a coloring book to spend my days coloring on the kitchen floor

This list goes on, it is pretty borring if your not me. Thinking about you, made me think about me. I am fascinated by my life.